The first signs of a competitive spirit appear in a child aged 5-6 and are associated with the struggle for parental love. If parents repel a child from time to time (for example, when it does not obey), it concludes: you need to fight for love.
Jealousy for brothers and sisters also makes you want to fight, especially if one of the parents shows that they love the youngest or oldest child more. The desire to fight arises when the parents themselves show the child a strong desire for competition.
The future thirst for rivalry in a couple is formed when a child conflicts a parent of the opposite sex. This happens, for example, when a girl wants her mother to divorce her dad or stepfather, and when dad is a drunkard or uses mental or physical harassment towards his daughter. As a result, the girl wants to push the man to the background. Having become an adult, she chooses just the same scenario of family relations.
The philosophy of the competitive spirit
Often, the rivalry becomes a consequence of the fact that a person is not engaged in their own business, does not know what to do in life, and is not aware of their talents and abilities, so they get jealous of those who are. Losers are trying to compensate for the lack of talent by unfair competition. Through rivalry, treachery, and meanness, people who did not reach something in life express their negativity. Very often, those are their partners who become a victim. Rivalry from envy shows aggression towards those who were fortunate enough to find their goal in life or do better in the sphere you want to succeed in.
If you dig deeper, rivalry always stands near the sense of self-superiority, a feeling of exceptionalism, and a false sense of self-worthiness. The rivalry is literally saturated with excessiveness, redundancy, extremes, idealizations of some objects and events of life. The rivalry is the antagonist of cooperation. These are two extremes, but cooperation is a positive thing for relationships, and you should rely on it. Wisdom lies in finding a middle ground between rivalry and cooperation.
Battle of the sexes
The rivalry of the spouses is most often manifested in the desire to prove to the partner the significance of your achievements – in career and finances, the authority of friends and children, or personal successes. This model of behavior is destructive and gradually destroys relationships. It is especially true for European dating, with its feminism vibes. When people feel fully equal, they have even more spheres to compete at; a man can boast of being better at raising a child, and women may try to shut them down by stating they are brilliant at sciences.
A woman can initially choose a weak man as a partner to surpass him externally, intellectually, and financially and to assert herself at his expense. Demonstrating her superiority to a man, she understates his male ego.
To look more successful than his woman, a man may criticize her for any reason, not giving a single compliment even when she deserves it, refuse to do household chores, making it clear that this is her duty because she is not capable of anything else.
For a woman, this distribution of roles in the family is not as destructive as for a man forced to remain in the shadow of a strong wife. Sooner or later, he will get tired of proving something and either leave for another woman who cares and appreciates him, or he can choose to lie on the sofa and completely cease to participate in family life.
The other extreme is when two strong and purposeful people enter into a relationship. The union of two leaders often turns into a daily competition: at work, at home, in the kitchen, in bed. The situation is aggravated if both hold leadership positions.
What to do?
1. Relationships are always cooperation. It is necessary to learn to praise a partner, see and recognize their strong sides and consult with them.
2. Partners should support and rejoice and not envy each other’s successes. If you still get jealous, you need to rethink what you do: if you’re not pleased with your work, start doing what pleases you.
3. A man and a woman create a couple to complement each other. Someone is better in one thing, while someone in another, and this is normal.
4. It is important to learn to talk with each other and immediately report what worries and hurts you in the behavior of a partner. Perhaps our partners do not even notice that, returning home from the office, they continue to talk only about themselves not asking how was our day.
The secret of a long-term relationship is that, in such a couple, there are no leading or submissive roles. The contribution of both is valuable and important, and partners understand, care, and support each other.